Feelin' Good

Sutra 2:35 AHIMSA PRATISTHAYAM TAT SAMNIDHAU VAIRA TYAGAH
In the presence of one firmly established in non-violence, all hostilities cease (Satchidananda 130)

If I'm being honest,I have to admit that I have been being pretty hostile to myself recently, on my mat and in my head. Still struggling with notions like progress in my practice I think I'm creating a somewhat masochistic dynamic, and as if I needed proof, I've yet again torn my left hamstring. Coming from this decidedly unfriendly head space, I know I have not been doing my part to spread love and light to others in the world.

Times like these I'm reminded of what one of my teachers, David Williams would say, "Get on your mat and see how good you can feel." One might not expect this from father of Ashtanga Yoga here in the US, but David is firmly rooted in ahimsa and I'm grateful to have his teachings to draw from right now.

One definition for the word HIMSA is "to hurt". To most fully immerse myself in a practice of AHIMSA, perhaps it's best to delve into the extreme and focus on" to make feel good". After all on an elemental level, that's why so many of us make our way to the mat every day; yoga feels good, or at least at its best, it should.

To bring my practice of feeling good to my mat, I've been playing around with finding my edge in a given asana and then backing out just to the point that it begins to feel good. To an outside observer, my asana might appear less beautiful or even lazy, but I'm learning. And it feels good, so who cares?!?

All week, I've been thinking about the things that feel good and things that do not feel good. Here is what I've come up with so far:

Feels Bad: listening to negative thought reels that play in our head, attachment to results and ego-driven asana.

Feels Good: a safe place like a sticky mat to check head junk, breathing deeply and being fully present moment by moment as sensations arise.

Now I'm not suggesting a hedonistic approach to yoga. Hedonism is about pursuing pleasures from outside sources, slaking desires as they arise with outside things like food, drugs, sex etc.. These good feelings are fleeting and superficial. What I'm exploring is a more mindful way to move through asana as a means to more fully quiet the mind and access the the deep good feelings that are inside patiently waiting for us, always.

What I learn more and more from my practice and readings, is that yoga simply does not work, if not performed for the benefit of others. In other words, working with a strap for hours on end to achieve the full expression of a pose, will never result in peace. Maintaining a regular asana practice as a means of mental and physical hygiene for the sake of loving others, is ultimately fulfilling.

As I see it now, it is my civic duty to get onto my mat each day and see how good I can feel . That way I can spread that good feeling around to all I encounter. So I can be a better wife, better friend, better teacher, better coworker. My goal is to leave my mat smiling each day.
It just seems like a better face to greet the world.